Charging Myself A Righteous Outrage Fee
Let's talk about what's grandstanding and what's not. I try to charge myself a Righteous Outrage Fee when I leap into a fray on the internet and publicly render a judgement against a specific person. That trains my habits. The anger is about an unmet need, right? So I ask myself first, "Am I willing to make a concrete sacrifice to meet the unmet need?" If not, then I'm not helping. All I would be doing is grandstanding.
In this case, Person A co-signed a loan for Person B for thousands of dollars. Person A's credit was tanking due to Person B's nonpayment. Person B was truly a tragic figure... but was not picking up the phone any more. Person A was patient for years, but ultimately resorted to a fundraiser, and asking for help in getting B on the phone, despite B's feelings of shame.
(Third parties to the discussion did not approve, because they assumed B would feel shame. B did not participate in the discussion.)
Then there resulted an argument (between third parties, in which neither A nor B participated) over which was more important:
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Saving Person A's credit rating and forgiving a debt of thousands of dollars which Person A did not accrue.
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Person B experiencing a negative emotion because the truth came to light.
The GoFundMe was already fully funded, but I gave anyway, because I can afford it at the moment, and if I jump into a fight, I want to put my money where my mouth is.
"Virtue-signaling" is a cruelly-misapplied concept, but it's a real thing. Those who misapply the concept to denigrate actual virtue are usually virtue-signaling at that very moment.
Here's how I tell the difference between virtue, and virtue-signaling (or "grandstanding", or "dick-measuring contests"). If I make a concrete sacrifice to meet an unmet need, I don't need to take credit. It's a focus on pragmatic problem solving.
If someone caused the unmet need, but they have been removed from the situation and can no longer do harm, leave them alone after that. If punishment is involved at all, it is usually a last resort-- a group removes a person who will not stop harming the group. And then we leave that person alone.
In this case, the fundraiser was virtue, not virtue signaling, because it is a last-resort attempt to solve a concrete problem when all non-public means have failed. If I jump into the argument, and I can afford to give, but I give nothing, then I'm grandstanding.
The overflow of the funds will probably go to Person B, and I don't mind at all; it's not about punishing B, it's about helping.
Imagine if instead, I publicly shine a spotlight on myself and someone who the audience hates, and I cut that person down in front of a sympathetic audience, and then I throw tomatoes at their retreating back while the audience cheers, and that's all I have done. Then the main outcome is to make myself look better by comparison to that person.
It's easy to indulge, and feels good.
You probably want to cheer that person, but you'll come to regret it.
I have learned to predict three things whenever I see a public dick-measuring contest:
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The winner of the grandstand will gain influence in their relationships and organizations. Look for it and you'll notice.
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The winner of the grandstand is likely to commit misconduct. Those who gain power in this way cannot be trusted with it.
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Whoever is cheering them on the loudest is gaining status by doing so. To a grandstander, the person cheering them on the loudest is perceived as a competitor. That cheering person is loudly expressing animus and shadenfreude, which makes it easy for the grandstander to turn the crowd against them. That is probably the next candidate for public humiliation, because the combination of those two factors makes the grandstander perceive their biggest fan as a rich lode of social status, which is also vulnerable.
This does not change if your cause is right and just. Quite the opposite. The more righteous a cause, the easier it is to use it as a dick-measuring contest. For every one hundred helpers who are quietly working hard to make change, at least one of them is in it for the dick-measuring contest. To determine whether someone is your ally, watch their actions.
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