Offended
I just encountered the word "offended" again, spoken in a public relations apology. "Offended" is a word that takes facts off the table, and centers the conversation on subjective reactions. "I apologize for offending you." Translation: "I'm right, but I'm willing to lie and pretend to agree with you because your emotional reaction is more important to me than facts. Later, I'll complain in private over cigars and scotch about how political correctness is pressuring me to live a lie."
Comments
nicegeek on Dec. 18, 2011 11:25 PM
This doesn't seem dishonest to me. There are times when people have a basic disagreement over whether something was right or wrong, but where butting heads over it serves no useful purpose.
Such an apology (if sincere) would, I think, be better translated as "I don't feel that what I said/did was incorrect, but I do care about your opinion and your feelings, and I regret that I've caused tension between us.".
Contrast that with a complete lack of apology, which might be translated as "I feel that what I said/did was correct, and I don't care how it affected you."
After receiving such an expression of regret, the offended person has to decide whether to accept it for what it is and go on with life, or whether the offense was grievous enough to warrant breaking off relations.
pstscrpt on Dec. 19, 2011 2:54 PM
"I apologize for offending you." isn't so bad compared to "I'm sorry you took offense.".
jodybrai on Dec. 20, 2011 12:07 AM
'Twould seem that "Let's agree to disagree" would be a better option, in general, than an insincere "I'm sorry you're offended."
Then again, it's often true, in a literal sense, that I am sorry to have offended someone. I apologize for bringing you discomfort. I'm emphatically NOT going to apologize for my position, and if I'd realized how offended you would be made by my stating this position, I most likely would have refrained from discussing it with you. I probably would have refrained from taking the chance of sharing this part of myself with you. In the future, I will be more cautious of what I choose to tell you, knowing full well that this means that we will never be as fully connected as we would have been had we been able to discuss this issue without the giving or taking of offense.
As with any trite phrase, the actual intention varies greatly based on the factors involved.
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