How I Radiated Palpable Discomfort
Given how socially proficient I am, many of you express surprise when you discover areas in which I am out of place. But those areas exist.
Tonight I went to a networking event for IT recruiters and job seekers. I emailed the event organizers months ago with my resume, and told them I'd be there. So, even though I got a job yesterday, I went because I RSVP'ed that I would.
One of the organizers saw me writing "web design/dev" on my name tag. He immediately introduced me to a recruiter. She is with a venture capital firm, which is funding a startup. The startup has a variety of work at different levels, possibly including the entry-level work I was looking for (at least, until I got a job in an unrelated field). We exchanged contact info.
I bought a soft drink, looked around, and tried to figure out what to do. The setting was in a bar, resulting in a weird hybrid of work and fraternization that left me without a clear set of rules. I approached the nearest person. She was a recruiter looking for a different branch of IT, but pointed to someone else who was looking for web developers.
I had a brief conversation with that recruiter-- she expressed no interest whatsoever. Soon it became clear that we had nothing to offer each other. In order to not embarrass me, she asked me to email her my resume. Then she quickly disengaged from me with a friendly smile.
I spent some time wondering why I didn't want to talk to anyone there. I don't just mean I lacked the desire to talk to them; I mean I actively wished to avoid them. All of their visible signals exuded a set of goals and values typically associated with a "career person": money, influence, and status. There was an implicit dynamic of desiring and seeking those things, rather than seeking to spend time with people one enjoys.
I value enjoying the company of other people. This was not about that. Therefore all forms of engagement at such a gathering have to be a pretense. I don't know how to be insincere. So, it was difficult for me to figure out how to engage or disengage from anyone.
I stood at the bar and thought for a while. In order to get a career, one must network. There is simply no way around it. Networking means getting to know people who can make a difference for you. Presumably, people with money, influence, and status. But to paraphrase xkcd, the problem with convincing the rat race to let me join them is... that they might let me.
What career is worth that cost? Standing there, it struck me that I can make anything I want to make on the web. I don't need an employer to fulfill my dreams. I need an employer so that I know where my next meal is coming from while I pursue my dreams. As of yesterday, I have that.
The longer I stood there examining the career people, thinking about their second homes, their third cars, their fourth spouses, the better I felt about filing papers and making phone calls for a living. It is a straightforward exchange of time for money. It has no connection to me, so it makes no unseemly demands that I should be driven by a passion for it. Do I really want to receive money in exchange for my love? Isn't it better if my aspirations and my survival do not get entangled in a conflict of interest?
I left my soft drink on the bar and walked out. Maybe I'll have fewer opportunities, but it doesn't mean I'll have none.
Comments
users on Sep. 16, 2011 1:04 AM
I've made a career doing things about which I wasn't passionate. I wouldn't go back for anything. I network with folks that I enjoy interacting with, or that I can be helpful to, or that I can help me...all to varying degrees...
stormgren on Sep. 16, 2011 10:53 AM
Pretty much this.
It's taken me 10 years of my career to find a company I like practicing my profession at. It's been a lot of work. Ultimately, now that I'm doing things that end up helping people, it makes a huge difference. I have found that unless I'm passionate about what I'm doing, I end up really sucking at my job, to the point of contemplating radically changing careers. Finding that drive again makes me want to go back to the office every day and earn the living that enables me to do the things I really care about, *outside* of work.
nicegeek on Sep. 16, 2011 1:52 AM
It sounds like you were trying to mentally classify the networking event as a "social" event, where "social" means that the focus is on enjoying others' company. I would suggest that that is the wrong model to apply here. A networking event of this sort is about sales and marketing, not socializing, and it's more similar to an auction, a farmer's market, or an art fair, than it is to an evening out with friends. Because the goods for sale are people and their skillsets, social conventions demand a veneer of pleasantries surrounding the sales pitches, but it's just a veneer, and I don't think it really qualifies as insincerity. You might exchange a bit of small talk with the farmer at the market while shopping for apples, but he's there to sell, and you're there to buy, and neither of you is seriously pretending otherwise. If you're looking for green apples, and this farmer only has red ones, you're not going to hang around, and the farmer wouldn't want you to.
users on Sep. 16, 2011 2:20 AM
Yes, this too. Also, realize that these sort of events are to "networking" as a company spamming your twitter feed is "social media". Networking is quite a bit different than what is describes here. What you do with Penguicon is more like building a network. Meeting people that you think of when someone says "I need someone good that does X", and having people that think of you when they hear that someone has need of skill Y.
stormgren on Sep. 16, 2011 10:56 AM
Yup.
Every step of the way in my career, I've met some really valuable contacts. I have taken full advantage of those, just like I get calls from folks (including a few I've met at Penguicon!) who are looking to see if I can help them or a friend of theirs out. "I know someone who knows someone" is a very valid concept.
Hell, it's helping me get back to school, the process has been a lot easier to get through because I've been able to leverage my network to get what I needed quickly and with quality results (Hi Jer!).
I will posit, however, that sometimes you can get valuable interactions with people by going to events like this, though arranged networking events like barcamp and detroitnet.org meetups, while forced, are not quite the same thing as a recruiting meetup and can be more valuable.
users on Sep. 16, 2011 11:15 AM
Oh, yeah, you are right, and I think I misstated my view of these events...they are, at their core, tragic. I generally still can find likeminded individuals at them with whom I can commiserate. Usually we can all be found in a corner, loudly mocking the situation. We don't make friends well :)
stormgren on Sep. 16, 2011 1:19 PM
Indeed. Kinda like dedicated singles events, even.
I'll be the guy in the corner too. I never said the contacts that I made were anything other than my other fellow cynics. :)
users on Sep. 16, 2011 1:20 PM
Our sort always seems to find one another, don't we? heh
onemorethanten on (None)
onemorethanten on Sep. 16, 2011 3:36 AM — Professional satisfaction
Years ago I was "the computer guy" at an Architecture and Engineering firm. I'd been there for a little while when I realized how tough it was on the guys who were actually really passionate about Architecture. Always hoping for a client with enough money to fund a real project but never finding that combined with a client still open to their ideas. Then one day I saw a cartoon that summed it up perfectly:
The cartoon shows one guy gluing the last toothpick onto a model of the Empire State Building made of toothpicks. Another guy is looking at this and says "Wow. You must be a frustrated Architect at heart." and the first guy calmly says back "No, it's mostly Architects who are frustrated Architects at heart"
rwhe on Sep. 16, 2011 12:00 PM — Matt Arnold on work and dreams
http://rwhe.posterous.com/matt-arnold-on-work-and-dreams
joecaloric on Sep. 18, 2011 3:47 AM
I have no ability to network whatesoever. I think I would have been even MORE confused than you were. How I'm ever going to find a job is utterly beyond me. I think I need a sales team. :(
atdt1991 on Sep. 19, 2011 8:43 PM
I agree with the other folks that these sorts of events are for those without imagination, on both ends of the 'sale'.
The last commercial I created came from a guy who used to work with K.T. A few years before he asked if I'd edit it for him, he offered to help me produce the first few shows for what I'm doing at work right now, completely for free. He came out for the day and really helped me get down timing in a way that you just can't learn without a hell of a lot of experience.
Since then, I've recommended him on LinkedIn, and he's offered to be my personal reference to future employers.
I've also done free projects through people I've met at Penguicon - projects I am happy to do for free, I should say, as opposed to people thinking they'll pad my portfolio and thus pay the bills.
I really like getting to know people through the Maker Faire, local hackerspaces, and (hopefully) TedX, because they are -not- industry events, but instead places for people who are passionate about whatever they do, which I love. Maybe I'll run into someone who inspires me to offer my own services (free or otherwise), or maybe someone will offer something to me, but they are ways to grow and get to know the sort of people that define "happy accidents".
In order to make a difference or to jump on those opportunities, I have to be someone other people are interested in working with, and that includes not selling myself short - I try to leave my professional self-esteem quandaries at home because I -want- to work on awesome things. I want people, ha ha, to want me, and that is not a dishonest thing when you are presenting the best of yourself to others.
As someone else said, there are transactions taking place, and if you walk in expecting sheckels when all they have are dinars, it will be a waste of time for everyone involved.
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