There's Always That One Person
Instead of conversations consistently going like this:
"Did you hear? I'm moving into an apartment which has a ferret. Which is great because I've wanted a ferret for many years."
"That's nice, too bad about the smell though."
I would like conversations to go like this:
"Did you hear? I'm moving into an apartment which has a ferret. His name is Shutupaboutthesmell."
"I might never speak again in my life, because you took away the only thing in the world that there is to say."
And on that note, here is an excerpt from a Dane Cook comedy sketch.
Sometimes you'd say, "Oh, I'd love to have a monkey," and there's always that one anti-monkey person in the area. They overhear you: "Excuse me, I heard you saying you'd like to have a monkey, and that's a horrible idea. You do not want a monkey. You do not want a monkey."
They're a monkey expert, and they start listing off all the reasons you can't have a monkey. "Let me tell you a few things-- Can I just have a minute-- Can I have a minute? Can I just explain a few things about monkeys that maybe you dont know before you jump to your conclusion? OK? It's more than just bananas and dancing with tooth brushes, OK?
"First of all, they crap in their own hands, and they throw it around in a festive manner-- like they're at a celebration of monkey poop-- and they make faces that are unacceptable in society--"
I hear these things and I'm like "That's why I want a monkey! All those reasons! I don't want a nice quiet monkey, I want an evil monkey that I can dress in armor, give him a sword and have fights with him inside my place." How pumped would you be driving home from work knowing someplace in your house there's a monkey you're gonna battle! That's awesome!
Comments
users on Jul. 17, 2009 4:54 AM
If you want conversations similar to the latter, try replacing the word "ferret" with an animal that doesn't reek like Lance Armstrong's post-Tour nutsack! Say "There's a stinky turd"..and people will respond "Well, at least its not a ferret...those things stink!" :P
matt-arnold on Jul. 17, 2009 5:11 AM
The ferret's nickname should now be Nutsack.
eposia on Jul. 17, 2009 11:36 AM
Ferrets are cute and fun (my brother and I spent a summer creating an elaborate ferret mansion out of shoeboxes and paper towel tubes), and you get used to the smell. Plus, once you're actually living there, you'll only get the "ferrets stink" comments from the truly rude; the comments seem to come much more frequently as a futile cautionary measure leading up to the acquisition of ferretude. (What, like them suddenly telling you about musk even non-ferret owners know about will suddenly become a dealbreaker for you in your choice of abode--or pet?)
If it does become a stinky issue, changing their litter regularly (like daily or every other day) helps control smelly problems pretty well. In the meantime, enjoy the weaselly little guy/gal and take pictures of any cool cardboard mansions you build it!
matt-arnold on Jul. 17, 2009 1:14 PM
I built an elaborate hedgehog mansion once, back in the day. (Which as Dane Cook would say, was a Wednesday. Back in the day, the day in reference was a Wednesday don't you know.)
zifferent on Jul. 17, 2009 12:05 PM
Having a well-armed monkey trained and willing to "surprise" me at an unexpected moment is not what I would refer to as awesome, but hey, to each there own. I mean who's to say that it won't start recruiting neighborhood pets in a crusade against their human tormentors. With my luck I'd have the monkey equivalent of Gen. Patton on my hands.
Sorry, can't go to sleep the monkey will get me.
bardicwench on Jul. 17, 2009 3:29 PM
The thing with ferrets, if they've been de-smelled (the scent glands removed) then you don't have to worry about the smell. And even if the scent glands haven't been removed, as long as the owner keeps it clean, you STILL won't have smell, or much of one.
It's like cats. You can rarely smell "cat smell" in my apartment, unlike some places where you walk in and small cat litter and cat pee and whatever else. I can't smell my place smelling like cats... but cleaning up after them and cleaning the litter box takes care of it and there ISN'T an issue. The only time there might be a slight smell is if I just came back from out-of-town and didn't have time to clean the box yet. *shrug*
li885 on Jul. 17, 2009 5:56 PM
You know mate, It worries me when you start quoting Dane Cook.
cezi78 on (None)
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