The Benefit of the Doubt
I've been giving the benefit of the doubt a lot lately. A job, and a date.
Due to the fact that my friends are awesome, they frequently try to send work my way. Usually it's bad work that I don't want, but this detracts nothing from the awesomeness of my friends. It's merely due to the vagueness of my job title, and the ambiguity of the applications for my skill set. I have come to see my career direction as a poor fit for me, so it is really not the fault of the job market either.
A few days ago a friend approached me because her boss was looking for someone to make some ad fliers. I could use some supplementary income, so I thought it over for a day. When I caught myself muttering under my breath that I was a lying, treasonous whore, I realized I probably should not take the job.
Treasonous to my "users", who are the people who have to look at the thing I create. I take no pleasure in polluting their mailboxes with printed spam for something that only a handful of them will care about. I don't like it when my users are my product, and I deliver them to my real customer, who is a businessperson. For me, that is betrayal and also prostitution. It's also lying to the businessperson, who usually wants me to tell them that I give a damn about being an excited evangelist for crap that I would never purchase. (I purchase almost nothing, in case you haven't noticed.) This is why graphic design was a mistaken choice of career for me.
Then I decided that instead of turning it down, I would describe exactly what I do and what I do not do, ask very important clarifying questions, and charge a price that a client would only pay if their expectations were right. In part, I said:
I don't do copy writing. I can operate professional design software to arrange your words and your pictures on paper, and make sure it is not ugly, and provide the deliverables to your print vendor. But I do not know how to catch the eye of people to make them desire [client's product/service]. In other words, I don't strategize your message. If you want a lot of creativity about crafting a message that your target market responds to, you should hire an agency.
This approach succeeded. My friend's boss and I were able to overcome the vagueness and ambiguity of my job title, to realize quickly that the arrangement would not satisfy either of us. Problem solved.
Now to the date. I got hit on by an attractive woman through OKCupid. Jen and I agreed it was very good timing, as she is going out of state for a couple of weeks. Here's the catch: this woman is both polyamorous and... wait for it... Christian. The list of the most important things in her life starts with "Jesus." What does she spend a lot of time thinking about? The answer includes "How to please God."
WTF, right? Was she not reading my profile? She did read my profile, and she approached me with a lot of specific details about it that she likes, so that says something. and and several others are Christian, and they're OK. Sometimes people use "Christian" and "Jesus" and "God" to mean... well, I don't know what the hell they mean. From talking to them, I'm not sure they do either, but it appears to be harmless. Sometimes words are emotionally meaningful but lack any dictionary meaning. Just a sort of fashionable affectation having to do with goodness and light and community and heritage, very up-with-people in an ecumenical way, and enriching to their hearts. So, if our differences on academic philosophical abstractions pose no obstacle for her, clearly she doesn't have the kind of faith that poses an obstacle for me.
I have one rule. My rule is, if there is a decision pertaining to our shared activities, or to my choices, you have to either make your case rationally, or you lose. You are not allowed to get your way in an argument by appealing to faith in order to not have to make your case. If you do, I accuse you of cheating. Then I bring the whole relationship to a halt while we clarify that ground rule. Faith gets no exemption status, and no sacred cow. Everybody I date has a faith of one kind or another, but none of them have ever done that. Other than that one rule, I don't care what you believe.
The bad news is, she got snowed in and stood me up, but she was very, very apologetic about the miscommunication. So, I hope to carry on email conversations and get to the bottom of this "polyamorous Christian" thing. There's no sense slamming the door early.
Comments
netmouse on Dec. 20, 2008 9:11 PM
heh. Anyway, your love match is clearly sweetafton23, who explains in her 5 facts in 13 minutes post that she has been to disneyland something like 200 times and has memorized all the this they say before and during the rides... ;)
matt-arnold on Dec. 20, 2008 9:34 PM
Oh, cool! :)
le-bebna-kamni on (None)
le-bebna-kamni on Dec. 30, 2008 6:27 AM
And she's one of Paul and Storm's minions (the guys who toured with Jonathan Coulton when we went to see him):
Skeptical Colbert Molly Minion
cathyr19355 on Dec. 23, 2008 2:51 AM
A friend of mine was once hit on by a polyamorous Christian. In her case, what she meant by that was that she would engage in friendships that involved vigorous kissing (and I think, heavy petting, but I don't remember for sure) with guys other than her spouse, but nothing more. The woman you contacted may have a different definition.
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