Aaron's funeral
I saw many people at Aaron's funeral who I haven't seen in six years or more. One high-school or college-age girl approached Rachel and I, and we realized when we saw her last, she was a small child. Now she has two eyebrow rings, earlobe spreaders, and many tatoos. So naturally I gave her my Penguicon business card and told her she should attend and it will be fun.
It was Rachel's mission, continued from her visit to the viewing, to loudly announce to as many as possible whatever controversial differences they have with each other in their private lives.
The service was at Aaron's church. Several Baptist preachers spoke. My dad was first. Naturally, he teared up. This did not surprise me because in all the years I listened to him, the sermons in which he cried were far more common than those in which he did not. Also, as usual, he had the audience rolling in the aisles with laughter.
The best thing about the service, in my view, was that the departed spoke. They recorded one of Aaron's sermons to the sunday school/youth group, and played excerpts. He spoke of how we're living in the end times, and that he doesn't know when the Rapture will happen. He said he didn't know when he was going to die. He said he was going to be in Heaven. I may not agree with any of his wacked-out comic-book mythology, but I would rather hear what he has to say from his own voice at his own funeral, so I greatly approved of it.
Aaron's pastor spoke. Not all of what he said was for encouragement, comfort, and celebration of Aaron's life. Some of his points were that all of us are depraved, and the world is a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
They really don't see that as misanthropy. If that's not misanthropy, nothing is.
He also said that if we don't convert to his religion, today is not "so long" but "goodbye forever". He spoke at great length and specificity about the fires of Hell. He said Aaron had relatives and co-workers present who are at risk of suffering an eternity of pain, regret and shame. He promised an alternative of worship, service, and other sycophantic groveling to a heavenly authority figure. Forever. Then he had an alter call.
I am so glad to be out of that world.
Comments
earthenwood on Aug. 29, 2008 4:57 PM
Matt, I am glad you are out of that world too. And I am very impressed that you can go back to it and make attempts to comfort and spend time with those that you left behind, while staying sane and calm. It must be a terribly difficult thing to do. *hugs*
Hope to see you this weekend, where you will be around more like minded friends.
cosette-valjean on Aug. 29, 2008 5:06 PM
Excuse me? My mission was to what? And it certainly was not to "as many people as possible." What on earth is that? Because I happened to mention our break up, Jon's break up and told that girl you were an atheist and I was agnostic when she asked if we went to church therefore I'm out to be devisive?
You can't stand that I'm real and don't play by your rules, can you? Well I really love you and I really love your family and I can only be myself. I see no point in connecting with other human beings if I'm not going to just be who I am with no hiding or ignoring of reality. You family knows about our break up why pussy foot around it. I like knowing what is happening in your brother's life and mind. And that girl asked if we went to church and a simple no seemed not quite in keeping with reality.
users on Aug. 29, 2008 7:29 PM
"Are you going to church?"
"No."
This is a reasonable response during an event meant to honor the life of a loved one. This isn't "pussy footing" around, or anything else. Offering additional, gossipy information isn't being "being real", and recognize that this is coming from Mr. In-your-face, it is going beyond what is necessary on a day devoted to others.
No offense intended, just being real.
cosette-valjean on Aug. 29, 2008 7:53 PM
I can see your point of view but this tattooed teenage girl with pierced eyebrows and planning on getting dreadlocks was not really likely to gossip with anyone and probably found the info to be favorable in her point of view regarding us. She was the only person that this particular gossipy type of info was given to. Otherwise Matt was referring to me talking about our breakup and asking his brother about his.
Yes the day was meant for honoring a departed love one which I did. When people reach out to me and talk to me and ask me about my life I tend to actually talk.
copingwithcows on Aug. 29, 2008 5:46 PM
It seems like so many of us have left "that world" and have fould strengh in the numbers we hold together.
I hope they don't do any of that at Morgan's funeral... I may not be able to sit in silence.
rachelann1977 on Aug. 29, 2008 6:19 PM
There ought to be a whole branch of psychology devoted to religion. When people "lose their faith" it seems that as long as they are coming from a very strict upbringing of any sort, there is a common set of experiences they go through, or rather MUST go through, in order to come out on the other side with sanity in tact.
There are yet another set of experiences involved in changing one's faith between two very similar traditions that are nevertheless "unfriendly" with one another.
And then there are those experiences involved in either a newly attained faith, or a "regained" faith, including the "Born again."
Oh man, how much would it piss off the religious right if I intellectualized all of this and wrote a text book on the subject?
Wait, what was I talking about? Oh shit, Queen of Nonsequitur wins again!
n9uxu on Aug. 29, 2008 6:26 PM
Cripes! What sort of church is this, anyway? !?
matt-arnold on Aug. 29, 2008 9:57 PM
Independent Fundamentalist Bible-Believing King-James-Version-Only Baptist.
stormgren on Aug. 30, 2008 12:06 AM
You could have just said "Bible-thumping loons", it usually covers it.
:)
n9uxu on Aug. 30, 2008 1:08 AM
well the baptist bit really fills the picture better than b-t-loons...
temujin9 on Aug. 30, 2008 10:11 PM
Knowing the specific breed of BTL can make a great deal of difference in dealing with them (if you are forced to). Lumping them together only encourages them to stick together, and I never encourage sensible behavior in innately senseless adversaries; nothing would disarm them faster (as a political entity) than waves of dogmatic infighting.
uplinktruck on Aug. 30, 2008 12:19 AM
What a miserable way to send someone off. Aaron's pastor needs to have his mouth boarded up.
brendand on Aug. 30, 2008 5:44 AM
But King James is the only version worth reading!
dnance02 on Aug. 30, 2008 2:06 PM
They did the same thing at my Grandpa's funeral with the whole preaching about going to heaven, problems with the world, and doing an alter call. Really angered my wife and I, though I had seen it before at other funerals. Never thought much of it before because I was still considered "religious" (though looking back, it was more like following the herd). I wonder if it's a Baptist thing where they feel that it's OK to exploit death to further their cause? They've been doing it for millennia with the crucifixion, they shouldn't need to make it so personal.
temujin9 on Aug. 30, 2008 10:18 PM
Religion (esp. the Abrahamic breeds) exploits periods of emotional turmoil to cement its grasp on the faithful. By pushing the party line along with the life-raft, it ensures a continued emotional impact. As crass as disaster coverage sponsored by a large company, to be sure, but also the oldest trick in the book: the first shaman told the first believer that lightning was a sign of the displeasure of the spirits, which only the shaman's guidance could avert.
dawnwolf on Aug. 31, 2008 3:25 PM — I am very sorry for your loss.
...and hope all involved feel better soon.
Anonymous on Sep. 4, 2008 5:15 PM
Wow. I'm happy to say that at my mom's memorial service on Monday, her pastor just spoke warmly about her life in the church and her passion for justice. It helped us. I can't imagine how much it would have hurt us to sit there while the pastor ranted about hellfire and everyone being depraved.
I'm sorry for your loss.
-- Sarah E.
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