Rachel and me, 12 years

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Matt Arnold
October 15, 2007

Although by no means is it a requirement that I be with a woman who would listen to me read entire Greg Egan novels aloud to her and who would actually enjoy it (To say nothing of testing and drilling me in Lojban vocabulary flashcards!), this is without a doubt a compatibility of astonishing statistical rarity, for which I am grateful.

I met Rachel twelve years ago today. Two years ago I posted this philosophical reminiscence. At that time, she and I were the only relationship either of us ever had.

It would be difficult for anyone to be more secure in a relationship than I am. It's resurrected more often than vampires, zombies, Logan from the X-Men, and Jesus, combined. A five-year marriage, a very amicable divorce, experimentation with polyamory, and splitting up to see other people, could not end it permanently. In fact, each of them strengthened us.

You'd think that would provoke insecurity, not security. If you can't take change, yeah. But it depends on what you feel you need. The plain fact is, "this too shall pass." Even an ending which seems permanent at the time. Everything moves into new phases. Adjusting to that as an opening of new opportunities for transformation is better than getting emotionally bushwhacked when life contradicts one's denial.

In fact, I love that she is comparatively stable. I like change, but it's also nice to be able to keep up with it. It takes her a while to change her mind. I know the topology of her personality well enough to predict the slow and steady parabola of her change for months at a time. But she still grows and surprises me.

For security, it's important to build trust, and then it's important to give it. Trusting in our pattern is something I can easily do. I'm comfortable with the idea of her spending an extended stay in Japan, should she decide to do that. It wouldn't be the end, just another intermission. I'd miss her, but she'd come back as sure as the sun comes back.

Perry Bible Fellowhip all comics are property of Nicholas Gurewitch 2001-2007. Used with permission.

Comments


cosette-valjean on Oct. 15, 2007 12:36 PM — I love you!!!

You are such a sweetie. :) I'm awed by your faith in us even after all the chaos we have been through. I'm very happy to be with a man that I have such a strong bond with. You are closer than family to me. xoxoxoxox

Rachel


atropis on Oct. 15, 2007 8:53 PM

awww. :) congrats to you both.


uplinktruck on Oct. 19, 2007 1:05 AM

May the rest of your time together be as good as what you wrote above.

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