Ask Uncle Matt, Summer 2007
In my time-honored tradition of proving that LJ memes are not the boss of me, I am transmogrifying another one into the latest installment of "Ask Uncle Matt" without participating in most of the conditions set by the meme. For this episode, all the questions are provided by
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If income, education, location and work schedule had nothing to do with it, what would your dream job be?
--Big Kid
Dear Big,
I'd be extremely busy because I have several dream jobs:
Creating fully immersive virtual reality games, similar to those of DisneyQuest in Orlando.
Making and distributing rapid prototypers for desktop manufacturing, that are capable of printing the parts from which to assemble copies of themselves.
Running Historical Pre-enactments in the form of Alternate Reality Games like "World Without Oil", which I consider the futuristic equivalent of the Society for Creative Anachronism.
Campaigns Manager for the Free Software Foundation or the Electronic Frontier Foundation.
Bridging the gap between engineers and end-users as a High Tech Anthropologist for Menlo Innovations in Ann Arbor.
But if I become the sort of person who can do anything he wants, I will not get a pet monkey. That's when you know somebody's gone off the deep end. Tom Cruise is probably going to get a pet monkey any day now.
-Uncle Matt
_Generic Penguicon Advertising Question: What are you most excited about for this year's Penguicon? What is this year's "must see" or "must do"?
-- Nethack Tourist
_
Dear Hack,
If I had to pick one thing, I think it will be the live re-enactment of the Holy Grail! Starring Davroz as Graham Chapman, Bill Putt as John Cleese, Yours Truly as Eric Idle, probably John "Minion" Hultz as Terry Jones, and many more. Coconuts will be provided, and trust me when I say many interactions and surprises will be in store.
-Uncle Matt
_Who would win in a fight...Richard Dawkins dressed as a duck-billed platypus or Jerry Falwell dressed as Jesus, including stigmata?
-- Palmer Eldritch
_
Dear Palmer,
I'm going to have to stake my bet on Professor Dawkins this time. I hesitated, because despite having undeservedly earned the reputation of a fighter, the scholar of evolution is a remarkably gentle man.
And yet he possesses the advantage of life. Falwell is the more fearsome, but there is really only so much that can be done plausibly with a corpse that has been animated through any means whatsoever. The inherent instability of a zombie's fighting stance would not be improved by inflicting additional injuries to the head, side, wrists and ankles. A Jesus costume does not give the wearer the superpowers of Jesus, whereas a platypus costume could feasably be equipped with the poison spurs possessed by that noble beast.
-Uncle Matt
_What's the word on the most recent potential job?
--Filthy Lucre
_
Dear Luke,
I have been working there for two days, and have surpassed their expectations. The graphic and editing tasks are the sort which I enjoy. They allow me to expand my range of professional experience by applying my skills in the web. For the first time, I'm being paid what my skills and experience are worth.
Today I bicycled five miles there and five miles back, plus bicycling to lunch, with no problems.
-Uncle Matt
Best *fantasy* novel or series of novels?
--AEgideus "Giles" Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo
Dear Giles,
My favorite fantasy is the short novella Farmer Giles of Ham, a lesser-known work of J.R.R. Tolkien. I would be happy to loan it to you. I have just finished reading the first chapter of Neil Gaiman's Stardust, loaned to my by
, and given how much she likes Stardust, especially make sure she reads Giles if she hasn't already. I find Giles by far the most Gaimanish Tolkien.
AEgideus Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo was his name, "for people were richly endowed with names in those days ... There was more time then, and folk were fewer, so that most men were distinguished." And what of his dog Garm? "Dogs had to be content with short names in the vernacular: the Book Latin was reserved for their betters. Garm could not talk even dog-Latin; but he could use the vulgar tongue."
It begs to be made into an animated film in the style of illustration found in its pages, that style used in stained glass.
Or, as I have long dreamed, a puppet play...
-Uncle Matt
Comments
le-bebna-kamni on Sep. 4, 2007 8:05 PM
Okay, now you're making me look forward to Penguicon. I'll see if I have the budget to manage it, because the Holy Grail re-enactment would be in itself worth the entry fee if I have the money/time.
My favorite answer in your series is the one given to Palmer Eldrich; however, I dare say you forgot how good a weapon a crown of thorns could be made into. Zombie Falwell does have the added advantage that only by destroying the head can you keep him from coming at you, whereas Dawkins has multiple critical points such as the head, certain areas in the torso, the femoral artery, etc. Does that change your calculations on the odds at all?
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