The Problem

Matt Arnold

May 27, 2007

Summary:

- There is a problem of life strategy.

- I am a very open person and I love talking to people.

- So I talk to people about the problem of life strategy.

- I am argumentative. It takes a lot for me to convince myself of anything, so my standards are somewhat high.

- I begin to realize that as a consequence of this, I should probably keep my thoughts to myself.

- I hate not talking about things, so this is another problem.

My life has one problem that dwarfs all the others to the point that they all vanish by comparison. That problem is paying for my life. Despite a unanimous agreement among my friends that I'm creative and smart, I've never made enough money to support a meager existence. I used to think this was normal and only to be expected, but as I've paid more attention and become more worldly in the past four to five years, I've discovered that's not the case. Motivated by externally-pressured necessity, it has become a reluctant hobby of mine to examine why. In fact, I've thought about very little else in 2007.

There is a second, complimentary issue of my internally-motivated ambitions, which have flowered for the first time in the same four-to-five-year period. I enjoy thinking about this far more than thinking about money, but they tie into each other constantly in unappetizing ways.

So those are two goals:

1. Pay for my life. (Not be wealthy. I have no interest in that and seek to avoid it.)

2. Do something interesting and worth my time.

My many attempts to identify the causes of my insolvency usually sound too melodramatic to be likely. One cause may be that it might not be possible to get both #1 and #2 simultaneously, given how bored I am by 99% of the tasks other people make their money doing.

One thread feeding into it is certainly an assumption of powerlessness, which I only discovered a few weeks ago. I learned at that time that I have more negotiating leverage than I had ever suspected-- in fact, now I'm attempting to avoid overcompensating into arrogance. That knowledge will help in the future.

Another aspect is my complete lack of interest in the workplace. This manifested in inattention to my mundane coworkers (previous to Ideal Solution of course). I hardly remember any of them, and they certainly don't remember me. This resulted in no professional references, which it never used to occur to me to seek. The other manifestation was in indifference to the income and outgo of money in the company's business model, and most importantly, how I contribute to that.

Only in the past year has it come to my attention that professionals normally think about these things. So I am now looking constantly at professional relationships and where I fit into business models. I'm ready to stop "clocking in, doing something I hate, clocking out" and start thinking strategically, but keep in mind it's new to me.

Some of you have an image of me in which you really can't wrap your heads around how unfamiliar I am with this. I have no idea why. I say this not to complain but to explain.

One of the unexpected side effects of the problem is that my friends and I tend to skirt the brink of mutual insult whenever discussing it. I've consciously cultivated a thick skin in this regard. The topic reveals unspoken cultural and socio-economic differences in values and priorities which are central to the self-worth of some of the involved parties. Veiled accusations of naivete and cynicism have been cast in all directions. It was never intended or expected, and I regret this deeply.

Could it be that my values and beliefs have threatened mental blinders and cherished illusions with which some of my friends cope with a disappointing universe, by revealing them as rationally indefensible? That's a dangerous thing for me to do. So I withdraw after I see that happening. I have absolutely no interest in hurting the feelings of someone who's trying to help me.

Perhaps some of my values are misprioritized, and perhaps some of my observations are flawed, but there is no help to be found in talking to someone who does not demonstrate the ability-- the willingness, even!-- to articulate why.

Some of them misidentify my problem and start reciting the most astonishingly obvious economic truisms, to which I have been adjusted for years. Others assume I am already familiar with things that I am not familiar with and must be faking inexperience. Why I would do that is anyone's guess. Again, I say this not to complain but to explain. There is an unseen communication gap. In the end, although I would love for counseling to be available on this topic from someone who knows how to bridge the gap, I think I have to figure things out for myself.

Alternately, it could be that I live in the nation's worst economy and should relocate somewhere that offers a living wage to those who are not much more strategic than I am; in which case the problem is not actually with me. But in either case, the responsibility for finding a solution is mine.

Comments

renniekins on May. 28, 2007 3:44 AM

Hi Matt! I find conversations like this interesting, and frequently up for them. I'm happy to respond with an open mind if you are.... here are a couple of comments I had on your post that made me think.

Could it be that my values and beliefs have threatened mental blinders and cherished illusions with which some of my friends cope with a disappointing universe, by revealing them as rationally indefensible?

Well that seems a bit inappropriate, you're saying that your views are right and theirs are mental blinders and cherished illusions? Maybe it's better to presume that the person you're talking to really likes what they say they like and thinks what they say they think. Something to think about, although it's possible you're referring to a specific event that I'm unfamiliar with.

Perhaps some of my values are misprioritized, and perhaps some of my observations are flawed, but there is no help to be found in talking to someone who does not demonstrate the ability-- the willingness, even!-- to articulate why.

I can try to do that (when I have time to jump in).

Some of them misidentify my problem and start reciting the most astonishingly obvious economic truisms, to which I have been adjusted for years. Others assume I am already familiar with things that I am not familiar with and must be faking inexperience.

Now of course the natural question is: how are we supposed to know which things you find obvious and which things you're not familiar with? Especially when one might assume that you'll be familiar with either both or neither. So if you want to ask questions, which I think is a fine idea, you might get answers you already know mixed in.

More random thoughts:

If you're not interested in business, have you ever thought about moving to something entirely outside of your current scope of search? I guess I'm thinking about something more physical, skilled labor type of stuff. Maybe not for you, I don't know, but it's a way to get away from the business world, which is clearly not what you like.

Another thought is that you seem comfortable with people and speaking in public, have you ever thought about something along the lines of computer training? Lots of interacction with different people all the time, helping people learn stuff, possibly even travel if you are interested.

Anyway, just brainstorming some more ideas at ya. (:

matt-arnold on May. 28, 2007 4:26 AM

_Well that seems a bit inappropriate, you're saying that your views are right and theirs are mental blinders and cherished illusions?_I'm saying I articulate a defense of mine, and have spoken to some who never seem to have bothered to do so. In specific cases, that has happened. I do know that I'm just as susceptable, which is why I wrote that paragraph that immediately followed; the one you quoted.

Now of course the natural question is: how are we supposed to know which things you find obvious and which things you're not familiar with?

By asking during conversation. Both are assumptions.

I'll definitely think about physical skilled labor.

Thanks for the comment about the scope of search. That phrase itself is food for thought. The problem is a job search problem, and the solution is in job search.

I wonder if I get some kind of job in physical labor, if I would make enough money to live on; and if I would get the experiences that I need to challenge myself and grow the strategic ability that successful people have.

I would like very much to do computer training. That's something I've done in previous employment, although it was a one-time occurence in which I gave a class to other employees to do my job (I was subsequently laid off). I'm currently doing it one-on-one in a part-time job training my replacement right now, and I'm quite good at it. Someone suggested community colleges, and another said community colleges don't pay enough to live on. So I've been thinking about how to find companies hiring computer trainers, and if I find one, I'll definitely talk to them.

rachelann1977 on May. 28, 2007 4:45 AM

You know, it's funny, but even though I know my views about career planning are very different from yours, or Chuck's, or many of my friends, it has never bothered me in the slightest. In fact, I have truly enjoyed being challenged with different world views over the past couple of years.

I really appreciate the way you examine your position in life, and the fact that you work hard to be true to your own ideals. I think that is a rare and wonderful quality. What's even better is having a set of values that can be molded by experience.

In the end, most people prefer not to examine themselves that closely, and the fact that you do is part of what makes you unique. When you are talking to people who don't understand why you examine your motivations and actions as closely as you do, I guess it's best, though, to try to recognize that as soon as you can so you can avoid those conversations with said individuals. Did that make any sense? It's something I constantly have to check myself on, actually, and also why I have enjoyed hanging out with most of the folks in Michigan Fandom, because they tend to tolerate, if not enjoy, such things better than most.

thatguychuck on May. 29, 2007 2:33 AM

So those are two goals:
1. Pay for my life. (Not be wealthy. I have no interest in that and seek to avoid it.)
2. Do something interesting and worth my time.

The two do not have to be the same thing.

I'm not planning on my career being the thing in life that is interesting and worth my time. (Sure, it's not going to suck, but it's not what I want to *do* with my life.) A well-paying career will allow me to do the things I want to do, not be all the things I want in life.

Perhaps think of the possibility of a job simply being something to pay the bills and allow you to do the things you want to do when you're not working. I know a lot of people who *really* enjoy running conventions and that it brings a lot to their life. I don't know a single person who has a career of running conventions; it's something that their career financially allows them to do.

matt-arnold on May. 29, 2007 2:42 AM

Wise words. I used to live by them, before I read so many help-wanted ads that made it clear they want career to be central to the life of the applicant. I'm glad to be reminded of what you're saying here. With any luck, since I've already got 2, I can attain 1 without giving it up.

temujin9 on May. 29, 2007 4:44 AM

That's a dangerous thing for me to do.

Yep. I'm sure you don't need more anecdotes to affirm this, so I'll keep mine stowed for now. Right or wrong, intentionally or accidentally, most people do not like having their core values challenged; even those of us who embrace such challenges in theory are often slow to do so in practice . . .

And that truism, unfortunately, is twice as true in business.

One cause may be that it might not be possible to get both #1 and #2 simultaneously, given how bored I am by 99% of the tasks other people make their money doing.

I have similar problems. Business generally wants people to prove themselves, before they're allowed into the creative arenas, which is sound in theory. Unfortunately, "proving yourself" is often boring and sometimes demeaning, two things that drive the more creatively motivated people away before they've proven much.

Part of the solution (for me) is a firm and pragmatic understanding that I'm being paid for the frustration, not the work itself (which I would likely be doing in some form anyway). Finding and following a career path, instead of just working the current job, helped too; scut work is a little easier, if you know the experience can be traded on later. Finding that path is an ongoing (and personal) process, especially if your interests are complex; the endpoint will often change, given progress (or lack thereof) in your various pursuits.

There is an unseen communication gap.

Well, here's hoping some of this has bridged it, without overshooting. I don't know how helpful my advice is for somebody not terminally interested in esoteric computer problems; I tried to keep it generic, but the setting often changes the rules of the game . . .

Good luck, and let me know if (and how) I can help.

eposia on May. 31, 2007 1:27 AM

Definitely be selective in who you choose to talk with about this stuff; don't continue to talk about it with people who are negatively reactive, it won't benefit either party.

I have a reasonable business sense and an uncommon personal attitude, and have 1) always paid my own way (minus a six month period over 3 years ago), AND 2)always had jobs that I chose specifically because they benefitted me or were "not-normal" jobs to have. So I'm available if you need to chat about these things.