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I got almost no sleep last night, feeling down and alone. When we woke up, A. asked me what was wrong and I gave them a little heart-to-heart. They understand my desire to be greeted and won't take me for granted. They said the reason they left me alone was that they didn't want to poke me with a stick while I had a hair up my butt. They didn't know this was contributing to the problem causing me to be upset in the first place. A. was worried that E. and I both were getting cold feet. I thought E. was getting cold feet and I didn't want to push it on her, while E. thought I was getting cold feet and she didn't want to push it on me. E. has this stoic tendency in common with me. We both tend to clam up about our needs.
But she has the ability to be indifferent, while for someone as inexperienced as me, this visit and the new experiences it brings is a big deal to me.
She is a big deal to me.
I asked to start over afresh. After we had this talk I jumped on top of E., smiled, and told her quickly, bluntly, directly, passionately, that I adore her and I want her. She reciprocated. Having set off on the correct footing, we proceeded to have fun. E. and I did it alone. We talked and became close and expressed that with touch. Then I did the same with A., less than an hour later. Both encounters were emotionally intimate and intense. I'm actually ready to go again! Viagra, who needs it?
This visit has now gotten off on the right foot, I feel that yesterday is not going to serve as the model for my relationships going forward. I'm happy.
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