Report From Hell, Michigan On 06/06/06
The village of Hell, Michigan threw a party yesterday because the date was 06/06/06. My friends and I visited, and found it to be strangely worthwhile.
It's a large clearing in a forest. I had to drive all over Hell's half acre to get there. The road to Hell is hemmed in on both sides with trees, and on 6/6/6, it was also lined with cars on either side for a couple of miles. The townsfolk clearly were insufficiently prepared; they did not expect tens of thousands of people to break Hell wide open. They had good intentions-- but they paved the road to Hell with asphalt.
The three buildings were the general store, the "Screams" ice cream shop where Hell freezes over, and the Dam Site Inn. Behind this restaurant I visited a river with a dam across it. This town is where Hell Creek is dammed.
It's said that "wide is the gate and broad is the way that leadeth to destruction, and many there be that go in thereby," but that was not the case. Other than the scattering of homes, the only three buildings in Hell had lines stretching out in which one could wait for an hour, more reminiscent of the line for Peter's pearly gates. Hell is long lines.
There were a lot of signs to stick your head through and take pictures with; hearses painted with macabre and beautiful illustrations; a bell with a huge wooden gong; souveneirs for $6.66; people wearing elaborate monster costumes and handbaskets; and a singing, guitar-strumming vampire from whom we bought CDs. And yet despite the quick depletion of everything to see in Hell, and almost nothing to do, the occupants of Hell had no fury like a woman scorned. Instead there were smiles everywhere. It was the typical fairgoing crowd, made up of hundreds of curiosity seekers from most walks of life, plus massive quantities of bikers and several extremely visible police. I expected to say "never was there a more wretched hive of scum and villiany" but ... no. Not so much.
I arrived too late to see the main attraction, which was a street preacher. He warned the revelers of impending catastrophe and offered salvation, until the bikers blew an enormous cloud of tire-smoke on him. (Image from the Detroit Free Press is here.) And the street preachers walked away; that means on 6/6/6 the bikers made the lame to walk. But they were still lame.
I'm kind of upset that I missed it because that's really what 6/6/6 in Hell Michigan is all about. We were there to celebrate that man's insane mythology just like we celebrate a TV show or a comic book. These tales would not have come down to us through the centuries without people who took them seriously. He was like that lady I met at a Star Trek convention who said that one day, after she fell down the stairs and hit her head, she started picking up transmissions from the Pliades constellation, and forgot 200 words of Klingon vocabulary.
The original author of the book of Revelation in the New Testament of the Christian Bible didn't take 6-6-6 seriously, and might be amused by the Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia of those who do. The attributes of the Beast, such as this number, were a set of euphemisms he used to represent Emperor Nero, who was persecuting Christians at the time. He couldn't come out and name the things he was talking about because he would get in trouble, so the entire book is full of satirical symbolism. Our own editorial cartoons will probably make no sense 2000 years from now, but I hope they don't become the source of a superstition.
, , Becky, Tim, and me. Bill's t-shirt displays the city's street sign covered in icicles.
Becky is wearing the t-shirt that I made for Penguicon. I like that.
Comments
rachelann1977 on Jun. 7, 2006 2:47 PM
glad it was fun, but given the massive crowds and traffic, I'm also glad we didn't try to go. Chuck is just not up for that yet.
matt-arnold on Jun. 7, 2006 2:49 PM
Given how risky a ruptured appendix can be, I'm just glad he's still with us and will be able to join us again eventually. When do you think he'll be recovered?
rachelann1977 on Jun. 7, 2006 2:51 PM
next week he will see the surgeon and well get official estimates. We're taking it slow. He won't be allowed to drive for at least another 10 days, though. As far as being a passenger, that just depends on how he feels, I guess.
Anonymous on Jun. 7, 2006 8:31 PM — Can we blame Rachel, or is that third year?
BTW, do we get to harrass Chuck's med-student wife for his burst appendix? Just asking. And, as one of the lame, I guess I'm glad I didn't try for it either.
-- Vince
rachelann1977 on Jun. 7, 2006 10:49 PM — Re: Can we blame Rachel, or is that third year?
Hey, I only just finished my first year! No harrassing!
users on Jun. 7, 2006 3:38 PM
Beaucoup bonus points for use of Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. It more than offset some horrifying puns :P
raendrop on Jun. 7, 2006 5:35 PM
You mean like "What a harrowing experience for Matt to have been to Hell and back!" O:-)
zillafan on Jun. 7, 2006 10:57 PM
Wished I could attend more of these events... even a few events. I can count on one finger the number I've been to these days.
Work had me pretty busy that day, still I have to figure out how to make the time. Looked like a Helluva good time was had by all!
paranthropus on Jun. 8, 2006 1:08 AM
Sorry I missed you, Matt. I had places to go, so after I scored my t-shirt I got the hell out of there.
The first group of street preachers fled the scene after someone hurled a beer bottle at them. That was an unfortunate incident. There's no excusing such a response, no matter how rude the provocation.
I talked briefly to some members of American Atheists. One of them was dressed as Moses and was thoughtfully parting the crowd, Red Sea style, to let the cars through.
alienbrain1 on Jun. 21, 2006 7:26 AM — My Inaugural Address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead
My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!
Read My Inaugural Address
My Site=http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Your jaw will drop!
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