Sterilization
I have wanted a vasectomy for a few years. I had a consultation this morning with a doctor who performs the procedure. I was touched by his quaint concern about snipping my family values.
I know two guys who are adopted, and one of them was found in a garbage can. So-- point number one-- the idea that one will inevitably love one's own children just because they are one's own genetics is demonstrably untrue. Deliberately getting pregnant is rolling the dice, and ghawd help you if the dice come up with a critical failure. You might have just created your worst enemy.
And-- point number two-- if kids are being found in garbage cans clearly there is no shortage of replacement people. If I ever feel like I've achieved every dream I want to achieve, and I'm ready for my life of freedom to be effectively over, I will go to an adoption agency and pluck a child off of the endless assembly line.
When asked why I wanted a vasectomy when I have no children, I said I had no interest in any of the positive benefits for which people seek to have biological children of their own. He said "passing on your genetic lineage? Passing on your name?"
I laughed. Then I politely stifled it. People are so silly and inexplicable. I consider the word "heritage" to be only marginally different from "jingoism", "nepotism" or "bigotry." Perhaps several decades from now I'll swab the inside of my cheek and donate it to medical research if the human race wants my genetic code that badly.
He wanted to know what my parents thought. I told him I was not going to discuss this with my parents. I am thirty-one years old, for bob's sake. They already have a grandchild by my sister, and since I'm the eldest of five that probably won't be the last.
A doctor has every right to decide that he would rather another doctor perform this procedure; I would respect and understand that. But I'm floored by how much influence is assigned to women and parents and doctors as part of a decision over my genetic options. If I were still married to R I would need her to sign a consent form. So much for a nation in which everyone owns their reproductive organs. After they get pregnant, women have veto power over whether or not to be a mother. But after pregnancy, men don't. I've seen enough nightmares come to life to know that I have to step up and take responsibility for my right to reproductive choice. I refuse to take a chance on ever being a dad of an unwanted child. I am pro-choice for both sexes. And since we live in a world where one of my friends' condoms breaks and another one's girlfriend goes off birth control and doesn't tell him, the only way for a man to truly take that control is to go the irreversable route.
They make you watch a video which squicked me out. Even when I had all four wisdom teeth removed while fully conscious, I felt no discomfort. The thought of being cut into does not ordinarily bother me. But this video made me cringe like I have never cringed before.
You know what that feeling of physical discomfort is, in this case? The reptilian hindbrain. The genome of my species is fighting back to achieve its will in my life at my expense. As I've said before, the genetic code is interested in only one thing: reproduce and survive. If that means giving me the shaft, it will do that and it won't care about the consequences to me. You've got to know that you're fighting a battle. Since there is only local anesthetic during the procedure, it will be a final struggle with discomfort -- mano a mano. It's a battle I intend to win.
Comments
rachelann1977 on Mar. 29, 2006 9:26 PM
It can be hard for doctors to be truly impartial. In fact, I might go as far as to say it's impossible. I, at least, will go into this with a fairly open mind, but I can't say the same for all of my classmates, based on their reactions to the hmosexuality lecture we just had in clinical medicine.
I wish you luck. My brother and brother-in-law have both had this surgery with no appreciable side effects. I have heard stories, but for the most part, I think it's pretty safe. You still keep making sperm, but I guess it just gets reabsorbed through the bloodstream. So, any idea when the battle will take place, so to speak?
matt-arnold on Mar. 29, 2006 9:39 PM
It's known to be quite a safe procedure.
The doctor's office called me back with the verdict after he talked to some other doctors about whether or not I was probably going to regret this. (I wonder if they do this before helping reverse soemone's sterility. After all, giving birth is no less of a life-altering permanent decision.) He decided to provide me with medical services. The procedure is scheduled to take place in a couple of weeks.
netmouse on Mar. 29, 2006 9:27 PM
What is the expected recovery time?
matt-arnold on Mar. 29, 2006 9:42 PM
No heavy lifting or strenuous excercise for a week. Recovery from discomfort takes 24 hours. I have a whole instruction sheet about this. It requires resting for two days, so I have taken two days off work.
thatguychuck on Mar. 31, 2006 10:05 PM
At some point let me know when, so I can remember to be around the house once in a while and see if you need anything. I'd be more than happy to pick up movies, food, or whatnot.
Especially the whatnot. That stuff's great.
raendrop on Mar. 29, 2006 9:38 PM
After they get pregnant, women have veto power over whether or not to be a mother. But after pregnancy, men don't.
Not for much longer, if the Righties have their way.
Good luck.
tammylc on Mar. 29, 2006 9:44 PM
If I were still married to R I would need her to sign a consent form.
Interesting. While I don't think men should be considered women's chattel anymore than the other way around, I have to admit to thinking "turnabout is fair play" after all the years of women needing men's permission not only to get medical procedures, but open bank accounts, etc.
matt-arnold on Mar. 29, 2006 9:48 PM
Inasmuch as I am giving that attitude the finger, I wonder if I am cutting off my ... nose ... to spite my face. Well, OK, not my nose. :)
the-leewit on Mar. 29, 2006 10:15 PM
I do understand that part of this is a backlash to when they were lying to "defectives," including mixed-race, poor, and people whose I.Q. of one hundred or lower was demonstrably not genetic, about what the surgery did, and whether it was required of them, or whether they were doing it at all, i.e., while we're taking your appendix out, let's just make sure you don't pollute the gene pool any further.
Eugenics movement in America was crazy nasty. Look it up if you want to be squicked about the human soul and not the human body.
...And frankly, on *any* procedure that is wholly voluntarily, touches the rest of your life that way, and is probably irreversible, I would be a little suspicious if there weren't someone going "are you sure? Think hard," at every step.
Then again, I am prepared to put up with any amount of other people's dicomfort for my own smug self-satisfaction.
And congratulations. I'm all for people looking their reproductive destiny in the eye and making a responsible choice.
the-leewit on Mar. 29, 2006 10:21 PM
Also... there is a word for a person who has sex with anyone who lies about birth control.
Oh, we've all done stupid things with people we ought not to. But... I'm amazed at how many people let their hindbrains win that way.
rachelann1977 on Mar. 29, 2006 10:25 PM
There's a certain person I hope never reads this. He probably won't, though, so no worries. ;-)
mjwise on Mar. 29, 2006 10:25 PM
I don't think it's entirely accurate to say that we are given full and absolute control over our bodies. An absolute freedom of this sort would appear to argue against restraining a suicidal person for fear of abrogating their right to destroy their body, but in reality such people can be and are restrained against their will from carrying out such an act. You might argue we should be given such a right, but that's not how it is.
Second, assuming you do have this right, just because you have the right yourself doesn't mean you have the right to insist someone else is obligated to assist you with the bodily change (which you do acknowledge). I remember reading a case a few years back of a serial child molestor who plead with the court to force a doctor to castrate him. Not only did the court shy away from it as a punishment (possibly cruel and unusual, even if the perpetrator actively desires it) but they actually couldn't find a doctor who would consent to castrate someone just because they wanted to be.
I think the doctor is justifiably concerned -- the snip snip is not something that is reversible, and if he would have acceded to your (probably somewhat unusual for your age) request "too quickly", there's a chance you could come back in 10 years when you wanted to father a child and attempt to sue him for not adequately informing you about what it means. I'm sure his various insurances cost him enough already and doctors generally like to avoid going to court.
brendand on Mar. 30, 2006 2:50 AM
he snip snip is not something that is reversible
Except it is reversible.
mjwise on Mar. 30, 2006 3:00 AM
Hmm....what I've looked at says there is a microsurgery to reverse vasectomy at about a 80% success rate - that's not great, and the reversal surgery is apparently quite expensive. So it's not quite like turning a faucet on again., although it's evidently not as permanent as I thought it was.
matt-arnold on Mar. 30, 2006 4:17 AM
Considering how much it costs to even attempt a reversal, it is effectively permanent.
thatguychuck on Mar. 31, 2006 10:07 PM
Out of curiosity, what's a ballpark figure?
drkelso on Mar. 30, 2006 12:23 AM
"They already have a grandchild by my sister"
Yeah, but said grandchild is the poster child of pure evil.
Wait...good point. Snip it, and snip it quick.
ericthemage on Mar. 30, 2006 4:31 AM
So-- point number one-- the idea that one will inevitably love one's own children just because they are one's own genetics is demonstrably untrue.
I'm raising a girl who is being rejected by both her biological parents.
Doctors are that way because you're basically taking a part of your body, that works as intended, and making it nonfunctional. The basic problem I have is that the people pursuing sterilization typically aren't the ones that should be pursuing it. There's far too many people that shouldn't be breeding, but do it anyway.
eternalmaiden on Mar. 30, 2006 9:59 AM
One of my doctors once countered my asking about sterilization with this argument, which I respect much more than the "you'll change your mind, you're young" bullshit everyone else throws at me.
sarahmichigan on Mar. 30, 2006 11:58 AM
J. had to bring me with him to the urologist to say I was OK with him getting a vasectomy. Almost 8 years later, and no regrets yet. Good for you for taking control of your fertility.
The recovery wasn't bad, as I recall.
uplinktruck on Mar. 30, 2006 12:54 PM
Right on and welcome to the club.
I would not trade either of my natural children for anything. They are both sources of pride and love.
That said, they both came to be through the deceit of a mentally unstable woman. Everything you said about reproductive freedom for men is right on the money.
Have at it. However, with your new found freedom comes a hazard. Keep always in your heart that a vasectomy does not stop any of the various brands of clap running around today.
paranthropus on Mar. 31, 2006 11:05 PM
OK, you want a vasectomy. Why do you feel the need to write about it?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not squicked out about it or anything, it's just that for you LiveJournal is an unusual context to write about such intensely personal matters, and this may give some insight into why you are making this decision.
Or it may not, but considering what's at stake let's give it some thought.
There are some people who use LiveJournal as a diary, posting personal details about their lives on an almost daily basis. You are not one of those people. You seem to use LJ as a "boingboing.net" type blog, tailored to your personal interests: Lobjan, Linux, PCC, atheism, and so on. It's as if to say "here's a cool thing that I discovered and want to share" or "here's a philosophical point that I wish to express". That is what LiveJournal means to you.
So now reflect on what was going though your mind as you created this journal entry. Were you thinking: "Here's an opportunity to show what I think about having biological kids vs. adoption" or "here's where I put the doctor in his place" or "here's where make a point about birth control for men"?
None of these things matter, of course. What matters is that over the years your philosophy of life will change, what you think is fun and interesting will change. Someday you may lose interest in Lojban. Someday, for whatever reason, you may develop an interest in having biological kids. A well developed mind continues to change and grow throughout adulthood. You've got at least a half century ahead, with any luck. Please keep that in mind.
Remember, it 'taint' a decision to be taken lightly. It will make a 'vas deferens' in your life!
yuk, yuk, yuk.
matt-arnold on Apr. 1, 2006 8:10 PM
This post falls into the category of a philosophical point that I want to express. Better than that, I put it into action. I'm proud of it. I put it on a friends-only filter because while I don't want strangers such as prospective employers to know or care, I do want those in my life to know that I am doing something I'm proud of. I would like sterilization to lose its stigma. That will happen when enough of us tell people.
I get the impression that you're pro-reproduction, for some unspecified reason. It's OK to come out and say so. The insight that you want me to reflect on is sufficiently trivially obvious that it was never unclear to me from the beginning what my motivations were. But it's unclear how you think this revelation will affect my decision. I'm not sure what your point is, so I'll just free-associate.
If Xeni Jardin ever gets sterilized, I would not be surprised if she posted to BoingBoing about it, especially if she happened to be a childfree. (The other BoingBoing bloggers, perhaps not.) It may be a deeply personal choice, but that doesn't mean it's irrelevant to how people should view me. The childfree lifestyle is a movement. When you care deeply about population control or personal freedom or sexual equality or theocracy or any of the various motives, which the wide variety of childfree people might hold, this is very little different from burning one's bra, which is quite personal, or Bob Dole going on TV with a message that there is help for sexual dysfunction, which is quite personal, or a woman in the era surrounding Roe-v-Wade supporting the pro-choice movement by announcing that she has had an abortion.
If I ever change my mind and decide to have my own biological children instead of adopting, I will so alienated from my present values that I will not be me anymore. I am not going to risk the nightmare of fathering an unwanted child, for this unlikely person. In fact, that person is just like the child who I would be preserving: not real. A fictional character who exists only in your mind. He certainly doesn't exist in mine.
paranthropus on Apr. 1, 2006 9:26 PM
I felt that it was important to respond to your initial post in order to get you to view your decision from every conceivable (if you will pardon the pun) angle. Sometimes it is necessary to take a point of view that one does not hold purely for this reason. "Devil's Advocate", if you will. I am not pro or anti-reproduction. I have no dog in this fight. Be careful, in coming to this conclusion, not to slide into an ad hominim argument.
You have considered this for many years, so I am certain that you have explored the many pros and cons. Please recognize, though, that "expressing a philosophical point" is a fairly weak addition to the "pro" column. In the end, philosophy will fade and biology will remain. You want to avoid having to father a child. OK, that's a strong argument, to be sure. Now consider the permanence of this decision.
The person that you will be ten years from now is only a fictional character if you don't plan on being alive in ten years. If you do plan on being alive, as I hope you do, then consider the needs and life goals of that person with the understanding that you WILL change your opinion about things over time. That is not to say that you should live for today based on the imagined needs of a potentially different future you. That would be foolish. What I mean to say is that irreversible decisions today will leave the future "you" with fewer options. I am all in favor of expanding one's options as life goes forward, that's why people save for retirement. If you disagree, just make sure that your reasoning is sound.
matt-arnold on Apr. 2, 2006 9:03 PM
I understand. Leaving options open is great and I'm all in favor of it. Even though I don't like this option, I wouldn't close it off if male birth control were available.
I'll share some of the conclusions I came to when I was considering that over the years. The difference is, conception is the default state of entropy which ordinarily has to be resisted through hardships such as abstinence or constant contraceptive effort. A fertile person who has not yet had a child is like a ball sitting on top of a flagpole. The natural state is to eventually lose its balance and fall, given enough time. In the case of childbirth, that's a decision that is just as permanent as vasectomy. Except that if you don't weld it in place, the decision about whether or not to keep balancing the ball on top of a flagpole will eventually be made for you by wind, birds, one's own exhaustion or inattention, and other variables, and gravity would take it from there. The self-perpetuating stable state of a ball in that situation is to eventually lodge at the bottom of a pit. Conception is similar. You have to eventually choose a self-perpetuating stable state or genetics will choose it for you. Given enough chances to happen, an accident will happen. And whose fault would that be? I feel like it would be mine.
The argument in favor of freedom of choice and options is a worthy one, and it deserves that I argue with myself as seriously as this. I could be wrong, but if I keep putting it off from uncertainty, I run the risk of limiting my options even more in a way which is equally permanent.
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