Divine Follies
At one time or another I've faced down most of the arguments listed on this site: Over 300 Proofs of God's Existence collected from discussions with religious people on the Internet Infidels forums. It just keeps getting funnier and funnier.
17. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.
I once got this one from a guy who led a discussion group outreach to skeptics:
36. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
142. ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (II)
(1) A plane was hijacked by terrorists.
(2) The passengers prayed and attacked the terrorists.
(3) The plane crashed into a field, killing all aboard.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
They must have rushed Miracle Max on that one. "You rush a miracle, you get a rotten miracle." And that is one rotten miracle.
Without exaggeration, I can say I've received this one on PCCboard multiple times:
76. PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY
(1) You use lots of big words.
(2) Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to understand your refutation of my position.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
And I tended to get this one a lot from Believer4Christ on The Electric Monk messageboard:
PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE MEMORY
(1) [Christian asks "stumper" question]
(2) [Atheist answers question]
(3) [A lapse of time]
(4) [Christian repeats question]
(5) [Atheist repeats answer]
(6) [A lapse of time]
(7) [Christian repeats question]
(8) [Atheist repeats answer]
(9) [A lapse of time]
(10) Atheist, you never answered my question.
(11) Therefore, God exists.
I tend to get variations on the following arguments a lot from some of my current set of friends (you know who I mean):
26. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.*
59. ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is:
(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
(b) The love of a mother for her child.
(c) That little still voice in your heart.
(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their difficulties.
(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.*
130. REID’S ARGUMENT
(1) You assume that your senses are reliable even though you can’t prove it.
(2) That means I get to assume anything I want.
(3) Therefore, God exists.*
159. ARGUMENT FROM EQUAL VALUE (PC argument II)
(1) Evolution and the scientific worldview is a worldview. Similarly, the biblical worldview is a worldview.
(2) You are not discriminating against our worldview are you?
(3) The Biblical worldview is as good as the scientific worldview.
(4) Therefore, God exists.*
164. ARGUMENT FROM WE ALL GOT FAITH
(1) We all believe in something.
(2) Therefore we all have faith.
(3) My faith in God is no different from your faith that the sun will rise tomorrow morning.
(4) Therefore, God exists.*
312. ARGUMENT FROM OPPRESSION (related to the various ARGUMENTS FROM OFFENSIVENESS)
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist asks any one of various questions, or even just starts to ask them]
(3) Are you saying that God doesn't exist?
(4) You're oppressing me! You're depriving me of the right to believe in God if I want to!
(5) Oppression is bad.
(6) Therefore, you are bad.
(7) Therefore, you must be wrong.
(8) Therefore, God exists.*
[*Edited to add: Yes. Yes. I am aware most of my current pomo friends leave off the "therefore, God exists" line. It still reminds me of them though.]
Comments
sarahmichigan on Aug. 26, 2005 2:49 PM
I don't have much to add except this gave me a good giggle.
drkelso on Aug. 26, 2005 2:55 PM
351. ARGUMENT FROM TOO MUCH BEER
(1) Beer being good for man was cited three times.
(2) The 2nd law of thermodynamics was mentioned twice.
(3) The athiests are drunk because they keep repeating themselves.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
uplinktruck on Aug. 26, 2005 3:00 PM
The Final Argument. ARGUMENT FROM POINT OF FACT
(1) I write, therefore I exist.
(2) I am God.
Anonymous on Aug. 26, 2005 3:03 PM
That's a great one. It should go on the list. But let's change the name to "ARGUMENT FROM I NEED MEDICATION".
uplinktruck on Aug. 26, 2005 3:05 PM
No... The medication takes away from the Holy Purity of my being.
P.S. Watch out for lightning... ;)
the-leewit on Aug. 26, 2005 8:40 PM — Those three little dots
Must confess, there's many a chuckle here, but they do come off as rather petty, repetitive, intolerant and prone to deliberately misunderstanding. I would have hoped that they did not need to stoop to the level of those who oppress them...
... or I could say their arguement runs something like, "(1) I cannot be convinced that God exists; (2) Some people have said some stupid things; (3) I am not stupid: therefore, God does not exist."
Anonymous on Aug. 26, 2005 8:46 PM — Re: Those three little dots
I often run out of the patience necessary to be tolerant of the trolls that haunt secularist messageboards looking to use these arguments.
No doubt the page is repetitive, but I'd bet you dollars to donuts it was compiled by several dozen people adding one at a time on the forums. As a result, it could stand some editing and pruning.
the-leewit on Aug. 26, 2005 8:56 PM — Re: Those three little dots
Quite true.
I'm a fan of "If you are an atheist who wishes not to detract from the reputation of atheism, be good to your fellow humans, since if you also don't believe in god(s), it's probable that you don't believe in an afterlife either and this is the only life you've got," and the converse "Why the hell do you call yourself Christian, you misanthrpic, violent, willfully ignorant dipshit?"
But that is just me, and I am neither, and so do not speak.
sigstoat on (None)
matt-arnold on Aug. 29, 2005 3:10 AM
xu do se cmene la djei.kaminek fi'i
sigstoat on (None)
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