Andy Returns to PCC
My brother goes back to Pensacola Concentration Camp tomorrow. Because my responsibilities to two conventions happened to overwhelm me the past few weeks, I've hardly seen him during his Christmas break. I just got an e-mail asking if I can still bring over Monty Python and the Holy Grail and watch it with him tonight as I had suggested two weeks ago. Can words describe the many different feelings that this e-mail rouses in me?
Love. Andy is one of My People. He is like me and his life is following the same path. He is not like our parents or their church. He does not belong at PCC. I love him. I musn't cry at work...
Rage. He wants to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail with me on the eve of descending into the maw of the youth-stifling machine. It's like a last meal. This poetic contrast evokes rage at PCC, that another closet proto-fan is smothering in it as I did. I musn't cry at work...
Grief. It is with despondency almost to the point of grieving that I have decided to eat as short a dinner as possible with the Concom and GoHs, transfer the publications to someone, and skip the gathering afterward. I loved the Thursday night before ConFusion so much last year. I met and chatted with Robert Sawyer about handheld computers and I didn't even know who I was talking to. I sat with Eric Raymond and Bruce Sterling listening to them banter. If you know those two, ponder that concept in your mind. It was an unforgettable night and the highlight of the convention. My place is with someone else tonight. I musn't cry at work...
Comments
cosette-valjean on Jan. 20, 2005 6:12 PM — Big Hug and Smooch
My dear, sweet darling,
Your brother is lucky to have you. You made the right choice. I hope he comes to his senses and leaves that horrible place to work towards a brighter future at an actual accredited college. Youth, thy naivity is painful.
(Go ahead and cry in the bathroom. You'll feel better.)
rmeidaking on Jan. 20, 2005 7:10 PM
I would bring him along. He needs to have his horizons widened, and nothing will do that better than dinner with the GoHs. You're entitled to bring a date, after all. ;-)
Then you can have a just slightly shorter dinner, and then go back and watch the movie, etc. afterward.
matt-arnold on Jan. 20, 2005 8:04 PM
Even hiding in the game room most of the weekend couldn't prevent the widening of his horizons when I brought him to Penguicon! Unfortunately, he says he still needs to pack and clean his room tonight. So, he can't join us for dinner. Thanks for your excellent suggestion though!
phecda on Jan. 20, 2005 7:56 PM
Unfortunately, people need to make their own mistakes. He'll be gone for this semester, but he'll be back over the summer, right?
So, you need to focus now on making his life easier to do the following: Get housing away from home. Get a job that covers expenses. Get enrolled at a local community college (WCC, OCC). And get him to as many fan based events as possible. And even better -- get him introduced to a potential love interest or three. Libido is one of the better power tools for changing people.
matt-arnold on Jan. 20, 2005 8:16 PM
He's not the only one who feels lost when facing some of these tasks. Hmmm. Perhaps by trying to do this, I could stop sucking at housing hunting, job hunting, and taking classes. As for the part about fannish events, I'm glad that I took him to M.O.F.O. a few weeks ago. You're right about making one's own mistakes. He talks a lot about how fun it is to go off campus to a wireless-enabled establishment with his friends and their laptops, so he's having a great time when he's not in class or one of the eight mandatory services a week. Relationships are a major component of life decisions. There's this teenage girl who always comes to con with her parents, who Andy and I played a board game with at Penguicon. I couldn't read his mind when I introduced them, so I don't know. But the memory of that game caused your idea to simultaneously occur to me.
phecda on Jan. 21, 2005 8:31 PM
Offering Andy alternatives to going to PCC, and helping him (mentoring him) in making the transition to full adulthood is what is going to work best to lure him away from that. What I've seen with current and former fundies is that they've been placed in a state of infantalization. You do what you're told; you don't learn how to make the tough decisions. And that's what being an adult is: making decisions and taking full responsibility for the consequences. Getting comfortable with that process, and being able to make good choices is what makes you a successful human.
So, easing that process for Andy, by helping him with housing, day to day living, and setting goals for the future -- this is going to be the best antidote for him following his current path of least resistance.
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