gleku citsi
ko ba gleki ca'o le citsi means "Imperative-you future-tense be happy/merry/glad/gleeful during the season/cyclic interval," in Lojban. :) This holiday season, I am dabbling in Yule, Solstice, Luminas, HumanLight, and a little $antaTreeGiftmas. I'm even smiling magnanimously at expressions of TotalitarianCultOfPersonalitymas such as live mangers and "Jesus Is the Reason For The Season." (I have very little objection to empty symbolism. It keeps the moral majority complacent and quiet in a comforting illusion their society is somehow "based" on god. All the while I and my cohorts are like the American soldier during the conquest of Baghdad who was overheard to jubilantly say "I do believe this country is freakin' ours!" My fellow secularists are strategically mistaken to challenge mere gestures. It stirs up a religious backlash that puts god in government for real.)
I appreciate the gifts I've received from those who rejected my statement that they don't have to give me anything. They chose well and I love them. Granted, I would have gone out and bought the stuff anyway, but I'm stingy enough to delay gratification until I get it for free.
My holiday season this year is avoiding the typical pitfalls. Perhaps yours is not. Is there conflict where there should be togetherness, depression where there should be joy, exhaustion where there should be relaxation? Is there pressure to prove your love, where there should be forgiveness? Is there mounting debt and tons of wasted storage space? If so, then here's your new Christmas morning tradition: just sit in the living room and everybody passes a $20 bill to the person on their left. They may take a moment to decorate it festively with a ballpoint pen, but only if it's not too much trouble. Whether or not you do it that way, lower your standards. Don't be a slave to unreasonable expectations and rose-colored nostalgia if that would mean creating an annual disaster.
Am I the only one who sees many holiday traditions as a marketing ploy? Isn't it evident that tradition can become more stress than it's worth? I have very strong feelings about this. My rule is that I must only observe any tradition or ritual when it is beneficial and skip it when it is harmful.
Anything I want to have, I can go out and buy for myself and do it right, instead of having somebody else do the shopping and get it wrong. Even friends are ill-equipped to make your spending decisions for you, which is why cash is the perfect gift. Gift certificates are just a marketing ploy to lock in the profit to that store, preventing the recipient for shopping around for the best model and price.
It follows from this that you should never give a generic Christmas gift to a distant acquaintance. It is a lose-lose proposition: the only one who benefits by it is the retailer! Consider for instance the fruitcake. Who eats this stuff? Like the Tub 'O Popcorn, it is an example of Chri$tma$ gifts created and marketed exclusively for those who have no idea what the recipient wants, but make a gesture out of misplaced obligation. Each Christmas season everybody ends up with some thoughtful gifts, and also an endless supply of junk they never would have bought for themselves, which is either kept out of guilt or thrown away.
And why do we have to wrap presents? So the retailers can sell lots of ridiculously overpriced wrapping paper. Bags are a no-fuss alternative, and you can get pretty ones or draw on it yourself.
The time of year ought to have nothing to do with it. If you know someone well enough to know their needs and desires, you can buy them a present at a convenient opportunity any time of year. It is stupid to feed the commercial machine when the stores start commanding you to.
Decorations are another case. It amazes me how much money and storage space some people give to things they don't even use eleven months out of the year, and so much of it is tacky. Last year, when I had a little plastic tree, I didn't even put it up in the window because every available surface was occupied. When I do put it up (which has not been this year) I only put up white lights, a little white tinsel, and identical ornaments, maybe two colors if they match. But never a motley conglomeration of weird looking ugly sculptures with no rhyme or reason! What's up with that? (OK, this part is just me being a yuppie snob.)
Comments
cosette-valjean on Dec. 22, 2004 9:29 AM — Holidays
Personally I enjoy gift giving and receiving because it is a form of communication. You are telling special people that you know and wish them well and some do the same for you. That is why I keep my gift buying for only select people. I jump at the chance to let people know that I love them. For example, I LOVE YOU. (Couldn't help myself...)
I agree that giving obligatory gifts so people don't get offended is very silly. Those ridiculous nick nacks and foody substances....bleh.
You know I adore all things beautiful especially sparkling and shiny objects. I really don't get a chance to work with those very often so I enjoy decorating during the holidays.
matt-arnold on Dec. 22, 2004 9:32 AM — Re: Holidays
I don't remember seeing any decorations at your apartment though. Do you miss it?
cosette-valjean on Dec. 22, 2004 10:02 AM — Re: Holidays
Indeed I do, but not enough to exhaust myself with the extra effort if I don't have the energy.
twoofdtm on Dec. 22, 2004 11:14 AM
Getting a gift for the obligatory reason of not having them mad at you is BullShit. You notice how I use the capital BS? Because it is BS. I don't think I've ever done the obligatory gift buying for anybody. Either because I 1. Couldn't afford it 2. Had no idea what they would want. 3. Had no idea who they really were. *shrugs
Now, if you choose to get somebody something buy spending money on them that is okay(in my book) Because it's your choice to buy them that item. For me, buying my friends things is also a way to show my love, appreciation, care, and friendship. I buy Amanda Invader Zim things because she loves them. I buy Tony Legos because he gets enjoyment out of them. I buy Frank things because I get to see him get the enjoyment out of the many assorted things I have bought him. Buying you the book, even if I can't SEE you reading it, I know gives you joy, and etc. etc. to the other things I buy other people. Yes I do this all year round also. I don't just buy them gifts for the holiday. (Yours this year was a holiday gift and you're going to suffer and like the fact that I bought it for you for the holidays :P) I buy them all year round to show that it never wanes. Sometimes they're not expensive items, sometimes they're free, sometimes they are expensive. It just depends on what I can do for them. Just my .02
matt-arnold on Dec. 22, 2004 2:00 PM
You're right, I love the gift you gave me. The fact that you would give me Schild's Ladder Greg Egan communicates that you know me that well and you care about my interests. You saw a bunch of specific people that you had enough empathy do this for, and who you wanted to love on in this way. You chose them. As far as I can see, you took control of your holiday season, you didn't let it take control of you.
The point is to use traditions only when they make the yuletide bright, and check to make sure that they are really doing that. I have a strong suspicion that everybody who reads my livejournal already takes that truth as so blindingly obvious that my LJ post today is preaching to the choir.
elizilla on Dec. 22, 2004 1:13 PM
I like the excuse to buy things for people. It's funny, whenver anyone asks me "What do you want for Christmas?" my mind immediately starts down this track of "Oh, I want to buy such and such a thing for so and so, and I want this person to have this bit of sporting equipment so they can do the sport with me, and I saw this book that I think would interest this person I'm not even that close to, and wouldn't it be great to give another person some money because he is so broke, and..."
It would be nice to just buy people things all year long, whenever I had a little extra money and got hit by the inspiration, but people are embarassed if you shower them with gifts without an excuse. So I try to wait for Christmas, birthdays, and weddings. I've gone so over the top with some wedding gifts in the past that I wouldn't dare get married for fear those folks would feel obligated to reciprocate. :-)
netmouse on Dec. 23, 2004 2:52 AM
yeah.. it's funny how we have these obligation traditions and I too enjoy giving outrageous gifts and wish for more freedom to just do so randomly. One thing we've done a couple different times for instance is give someone who is really strapped for cash fruit of the month club - it keeps giving all year 'round and not just at christmas. I think some of our friends are getting used to the idea that sometimes giving occasional large gifts is just part of our pleasure in life, especially when they are particular to the people, like last year when we helped Tim and Meryl get a harpsicord (?I think? sort of like a piano? I feel like I'm remembering this wrong this week) as a wedding gift. Having them call us up to play us a duet was as much of a return gift as we wanted.
I like getting together with my family at the holidays but wish there was less pressure on giving a certain amount of something. My house is cluttered enough without a lot of stuff I don't want - I would much rather get something small that made you think of me sometime during the year than get a bunch of stuff you ran out to purchase the week before a holiday. One year my mom did almost all her shopping at Meijer the night before christmas and I felt very awkward about it.
That said, I do like getting together and doing a gift exchange, because I like picking things out that I think will particularly light up peoples eyes or start stories, etc.
sothisislife on Dec. 22, 2004 5:37 PM
Am I the only one who sees many holiday traditions as a marketing ploy? Isn't it evident that tradition can become more stress than it's worth?
I could not agree more. I am not exchanging gifts this year, and I don't think I will next year.
I have not decorated in years, and last year I finally got rid of all my decorations for all holidays.
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